Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some quick and dirty tips for practical parenting.
Listener, Kristina, wrote in wanting to know if it’s possible to spoil your four month old baby. My opinion is that, no, you cannot spoil a child that young. When are you at risk of spoiling your child though? I don’t think you can put an age on it. I think it’s something you’d have to work at over time. Parents who spoil their children usually do so to make up for something.
Parents who spend a great deal of time away from their children sometimes try to make up for it by buying material items for the child. While it may seem that the child is spoiled because he has all of the toys he asks for, it’s not always the case. In cases like this, the child may misbehave because he simply wants to spend more time with his parent. There are also cases where parents can’t refuse a child’s request. They don’t want to see their baby unhappy so they cave in when the child seems sad. Kids are quick to learn what will work to change their parents’ minds. I believe that the key to preventing this type of spoiling is moderation in giving in to your kids’ requests. If you are going shopping for a specific toy or item you’ve agreed to buy for your child, stick to just that item. If he starts asking for more items, let him know that he can exchange one for another within the same price range.
My kids and I love to wander through the mall or other stores. One thing I like to do while we are window shopping is keep a list where I write down the items they ask for. I let them know we are writing it down on their wish list for birthdays, Christmas, or rewards for good behavior. It keeps it in perspective and it helps me remember what they wanted when it’s time to get them something special.
Even as I’m writing this, I’m questioning the term “spoiled”. Can a child actually be spoiled or should we reserve that term for food that’s gone bad in the back of the fridge? I think our behavior as parents determines many of the behaviors of our children. If parents act as if they are entitled to everything they want regardless of whether they’ve earned it or not, you can pretty much bet that their children are likely follow suit. Selfish parents, however, are not going to be the ones you’d expect to be spoiling their children and they aren’t. They are teaching their children to behave in a manner that outsiders may perceive as being spoiled because they are mirroring their role models. Therefore, a child we may view as spoiled, might actually be neglected by parents who are more concerned with their own needs.
So, the next time someone tells you that you are spoiling your infant because you pick her up whenever she cries or because you go to her when she calls out in the middle of the night, remember this: You cannot spoil your child by loving her too much. Your children need you and they need to know you are there for them. It’s important to set goals for your children and help them to achieve their goals and reward them when they do so. It is also important to just say “yes” once in a while to a whim or a fancy. How often will we have someone do that for us as adults? We’ll most likely be buying and doing those types of things for ourselves. Children who are nurtured, loved, and given opportunities to make choices will have a much better outlook on life than those that are taught to appreciate material things in place of human contact.
If you want to find out how much your child really wants that toy at the store that he’s begging for, try making him an offer. Ask him if he’d rather have the toy or spend a day at the zoo with you. He might still want the toy, but there’s a good chance he’ll surprise you! My daughter always chooses the zoo.
That’s it for now. I hope you’ve enjoyed the show. Thank you for listening.
There are a couple of links on the show’s website at http://mightymommy.quickanddirtytips.com. The first one is a listener survey. Thank you to everyone who has taken the survey. If you haven’t already done so, please take a moment to check it out. We could definitely use your input. There is also a link to Back to Basics Toys. Back to Basics Toys offers classic games, puzzles and toys cherished by generations, and new toys bound to be the classics of tomorrow. I’m always looking for toys to share with my kids that are like the toys I played with myself. This is a great place to find them. Again, the link is on my website.
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This is your friend the Mighty Mommy wishing you happy and fun parenting!