Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some quick and dirty tips for practical parenting.
I recently had a problem with my four-year-old daughter. The doorbell was ringing and she assumed that the person coming for a visit was her cousins, Grandma, or a play date friend. I asked her to stay away from the door and window, but she didn’t want to comply. When salesmen or other strangers come over, I don’t want them seeing my children. I don’t really want them coming to my house at all, but it happens to most people who live in suburban or urban areas.
This episode is focusing only on the basics of talking to your child about strangers. I cannot cover all aspects of keeping your child safe in one episode. I recommend that you contact your local police department to have a speaker come out and speak to you, your children, and your fellow parents and their children about stranger danger and other safety issues. If you can request that the speaker come in uniform, it will help your children recognize a police officer’s uniform in the future. It’s good to have a refresher visit at least once a year as well.
As far as what you can do to alert your child to the presence of strangers and how strangers can be dangerous, there are several things you can do. The hardest part, I’ve found, is teaching my child to be aware and cautious of strangers without scaring her. I’m a very outgoing person and my daughter has taken after me in that respect. When we are out in public we smile and say “hello” to people making eye contact, but there is a line between being polite and being overly friendly. Since children learn from watching their parents, I have had to cut back on my own friendliness a bit. I don’t want my kids to think it’s acceptable to talk to everyone we meet.
You will need to talk to your kids about strangers and the dangers that are out there. Let your children know that not all strangers are bad. In fact most strangers are not bad, but since you never know and you cannot tell by looking at someone, you must be cautious with everyone. Being cautious is not the same as being scared. It simply means that if your child doesn’t know someone and Mommy or Daddy doesn’t know the person, then this person is a stranger. You’ll need to give your child the rules about Stranger Danger.
- A stranger is anyone you don’t know. Even if someone is pretty or looks safe, that person is still a stranger.
- Never go anywhere with a stranger or get in a stranger’s car.
- Never take food, candy, or any other gifts from a stranger.
- Do not pet a stranger’s animal, even if you are invited to pet it.
- You are a kid. A stranger should not ask you for help. If a stranger asks you for help, get away from him as fast as possible.
- Always stay away from the doors and windows when someone comes to visit and let an adult greet the visitor.
- If anyone ever makes you uncomfortable in any way, tell your parent or another trusted adult immediately.
- If a stranger tries to take you, yell “No!” and fight as hard as you can to get loose. Run to a public place and keep running until you find an adult who can help you.
- When you are in a public place, always stay with your parents. Never wander off by yourself.
I am sure this list of rules could be longer and get quite lengthy, but depending on the age and personality of your children, you need to determine how much of this conversation you can have with them. Opening up a dialogue with your children is the best thing you can do to start teaching them about strangers and how important it is for children to protect themselves.
I told my friend a story about how a cashier at a local grocery store told my daughter, “Come with me and I’ll get you a balloon,” and my daughter started following her. Even though the cashier wasn’t really a stranger that we’d never met, it still freaked me out to know that my daughter would just follow her on the promise of a free balloon. After telling the cashier that she needed to ask me first and that it wasn’t acceptable for her to invite my daughter to follow her, I spoke to my daughter, who was having trouble understanding why it wasn’t all right to go get a balloon with the nice lady. My friend recommended a book to read to my daughter. I will include a link in the transcript. The book is called The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers. She actually sent me a copy of the book which I have repeatedly read to my daughter. Reading books like these can help to explain the dangers of being too friendly with strangers. It seems to me that the book frightens my daughter a little, but the pictures and seeing the young bears experiencing the same feelings really seems to help her understand my words. Repeated reading of this type of story with pictures will also help your child remember the lesson you’ve been teaching. I’ve included a couple of other helpful book titles at the end of the transcript.
Since we have begun to really talk about stranger danger at home, my daughter has responded positively to us. She still requires reminders on occasion, but a simple comment such as “she’s a stranger” will have my daughter backing away quickly and staying right by my side. At the young age of four, this is exactly where I want her. Now, if I could only keep her there forever. Well, maybe I can’t, but I’ll keep her as safe as I possibly can for as long as she will let me.
That’s it for now. I hope you’ve enjoyed the show.
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The Mighty Mommy’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Practical Parenting is part of the Quick and Dirty Tips network at quickanddirtytips.com. This week Grammar Girl is talking about a new slang pronoun, so be sure to check out her podcast!
This is your friend the Mighty Mommy wishing you happy and fun parenting!
Books you can share with your kids