Hey there! You’re listening to the Mighty Mommy with some quick and dirty tips for practical parenting.
I’ve had a number of requests for me to talk about how to motivate children to do certain things.
Jennifer wrote in requesting suggestions on how to convince her son to listen even when he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.
Susan is looking for advice on how to make a reward chart or as we moms like to call them, a “star chart.”
My friend and fellow podcaster, Stacee from the And Baby Makes 5 Podcast, asks how to motivate kids when nothing seems to work.
So, the question is, how do you get those kids motivated. This is a difficult one for me because, honestly, I’m not that great at motivating myself. I wonder if my kids notice. We need to be role models for our children, after all.
I do love the idea of the star chart. Children bask in the glow of their rewards. My daughter’s preschool teacher devised a plan using hand stamps. The children are instructed to do their best throughout the day and at the end of the day they all line up to get their hands stamped. My daughter has come home twice without her hand stamped. She was devastated both times. It made me wonder if I could use the same type of motivation at home with a different reward. The one big difference is that in her classroom other children are getting their hands stamped too. At home it would just be her and her little brother and he’s not really that interested in it. It appears that the motivation almost comes from competition. If you do have multiple children, you might try something similar at the end of each day before bedtime. The reward doesn’t have to be a stamp. You could pin a poster on the wall and let them add a sticker each night when they’ve earned it throughout the day. During the day when tasks are to be done, gently remind your child that if rules aren’t followed, there will be no sticker. And you, Mom and Dad, will have to stick to your guns. No giving in when your child is crying for a sticker at night. Make sure you set your own guidelines for this type of ritual. Try to avoid telling your child at 9 AM that they aren’t getting a sticker tonight. You’ll be setting yourself up for a disappointing day. If the kids already know the sticker isn’t coming, what’s the point in trying to earn it after that? Remind them instead to “Please do your best, I want to see you receive your reward before bedtime.” Keep it positive!
Reward charts, star charts, wall charts, or whatever you want to call yours might work better for you, especially for the older kids. These charts can be extended to show weekly behavior and give the opportunity to both earn and lose rewards. It’s best to have your chart located somewhere centrally where everyone can see it throughout the day. You may want to sit down with your kids and set up an agreement with them beforehand to decide what behaviors will be rewarded as well as what the rewards will be. If older kids have a say in the new process, they will be more willing to go along with it. Even if you are setting up a new reward chart for younger ones, you will want to go over what it means. Older kids will most likely want to earn bigger rewards. You may want to have their chart lead up to an allowance. You can include daily chores, homework, and extra credit. Extra credit would be something like emptying the dishwasher even though it’s not on the chore list, or entertaining a younger sibling to give Mom a break. Once a certain number of credits or stars are achieved, the reward is earned. You can make it a monetary reward, a material reward, or an activity reward. Kids might enjoy earning some money or a chance to have three best friends over for a slumber party.
Keep it positive. You can make the chart to suit the needs of your family. You can list chores specifically, but also have a section for praise and good behavior, just to let your kids know you appreciate them. “It was really nice the way you helped your little brother with his homework today, I’m giving you an extra bonus point.” This encourages and motivates your kids toward good behavior. If you have asked your child to do something and he refuses, let him know that you’ll be docking him a credit or two until the task is completed to your satisfaction. Children who sass or talk back to their parents will have to make up those lost credits if they want to earn their rewards. Similarly, small children who throw tantrums or refuse to listen can be docked if they are old enough to understand, but you might consider replacing the credits when the child concedes and offers apologies. Use your judgment with those younger ones. While they do need to understand that their actions have consequences, they don’t always have as much control over their emotions as the older kids do.
I hope some of these ideas work for you. I’ll be making up some charts with my kids and experimenting with different ways to reward and recognize good behavior. I think it will be a fun and encouraging project for the entire family. I wonder if a star chart would work on my husband? Now, that’s an idea! Remember, as I said earlier, we are role models for our children. I know I complain about mopping the floor and I should remember to check my own attitude. If the kids see me doing things that I may not enjoy, that doesn’t mean they need to know I don’t enjoy it.
That’s it for now.
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This is your friend the Mighty Mommy wishing you happy and fun parenting!
